The-my-children-will-not-surfer-what-i-suffered-syndrome-is-killing-some-nigerian-children-nigerian-parents-beware
September 7, 2020 | News
THE “MY CHILDREN WILL NOT SUFFER WHAT I SUFFERED" SYNDROME IS KILLING SOME NIGERIAN CHILDREN – NIGERIAN PARENTS BEWARE
Image showing young Nigerians and their expensive cars
It has been widely acknowledged that the relationship between parents and their children, especially in the early years of the latter’s formation, is what determines how ‘responsible’ and successful the child turns out to be later in life in the society. Although, relatively small, the family unit is the regarded as the ‘bedrock of the society’. It is therefore responsible for the ‘quality’ of human beings that populate a society. Everything we see wrong today in our society - be it corruption, thuggery, terrorism, boko haram, killer herdsmen, kidnapping, armed robbery, indecency/immoral behavious, etc., is as a result of the ‘failures’ of the various family units that make up our Nigerian society. So, not only are parents/guardians/relatives expected to be exemplary role models to their children, they are also saddled with the responsibility of supplying all the necessary spiritual, physical, psychological, sociological, mental and emotional support the child needs to grow into a ‘balanced and well-equipped individual’ that will eventually contribute positively to the growth and development of the general society.
Sadly, we have become a generation that have completely lost touch to the importance of the family unit and our roles as Parents/adults in this generation, in shaping it for a better society. In fact, for some decades now, our society has been experiencing a lot of chaos, occasioned by unwholesome behavioural and attitudinal inclinations of both young and old individuals. All the values and morality, that once held and made our society relatively stable, noble and productive seem to have been eroded, so much so that many people are now wondering what went wrong. What are parents/guardians doing or not doing that is responsible for today’s mayhem in our society?
Aside other factors and deplorable situations and ‘no parenting’ – which have shaped the lives of many Nigerian children on the wrong path, the only answer we can come up with is the fact that some parents, especially the now ‘privileged/well to do ones’, have engulfed themselves with this syndrome of “my children will not suffer what I suffered”, which has left us with youths who do not understand the principles of hard work and contentment. It is alien to our culture and heritage to value money, fame, titles and status over worthy virtues like hard work, contentment, honesty, integrity, empathy, love for one another, etc. We were moved recently by a circulated online write-up on this subject matter, which basically gave a vivid picture of this problem in the Nigerian society.
Imagine a situation where the children of most of the past and present political leaders in Nigeria, be it in the Presidency, Federal and State Assemblies and State Governments; have not worked one day in their lives but yet, they are billionaires and millionaires – driving the latest cars, flying First Class and Business Class, going on vacations to choice locations as they please, and live in expensive hotels/mansions. What kind of adult lives should the society expect from such children? Many of them lack the knowledge and capacity to contribute anything meaningful to the growth of the Nigerian society. They only thing they can do in life is for their parents to sponsor them to be elected and appointed in juicy public offices, so as to continue the thievery legacies of their parents in Government. That is the only thing these children would learn from their parents. But this sort of parenting will not do this country any good because it is based on fraudulent foundations. The children of those in Government, see and take their parents as their role models. So, they will even do more harm than their parents.
According to the said article written by an unknown Nigerian, it stated how the writer benefitted as a student then resident in the UK, but now living in Abuja. It reads: “The first thing that I discovered about UK-born, white, English undergraduates was that all of them did holiday or weekend job to support themselves – including the children of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there regardless of how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually all other foreign students did the same – except status – conscious Nigerians.
“I also watched RICHARD BRANSON (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on the Biography Channel. To my amazement, he said that his young children travel in the economy class – even when the parents (he and his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the UK. No other foreign students do this. There is no aircraft attached to the office of the Prime Minister in the UK. He travels on British Airways (BA). And the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not have an aircraft for her exclusive use. These practices simply become the culture which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen the car that KATE MIDDLETON (the wife of PRINCE WILLIAM) drives? VW Golf or something close to it. But there’s one core difference between them and us (generally speaking), they (even the billionaires among them) work for their money, most of us steal ours.
“If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let’s begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content and not having to “STEAL” which seems to be the norm these days. We have Nigerian Children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class and using the latest cars fully paid for by their “loving parents”. I often get calls from anxious parents” my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist!”. “Oh really! So where exactly is “THIS CHILD?” is my usual question. “Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?" I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and I, chances are that the big boy is cruising around Abuja with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s sparkling new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to hear a 28-year-old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six-figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing. I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely no skill to sell apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question- so, what salary are you looking to earn? The answer comes straight out – N250,000.00. I ask if that is per month or per annum. “Of course, it is per month.” Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000.00 and I feel any employer should be able to pay me more than my parents.”
“No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing as if it were a birthright. Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa. Wake up, MUM! Wake up, DAD! This syndrome – “MY CHILDREN WILL NOT SUFFER WHAT I SUFFERED" is destroying your tomorrow. You are practically loving your child to death. I learned the children of a former Nigeria Head of State with all the stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still, go about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several time because of the drug, they collapse in places. The escort will quickly pack them and off they go. What a life! No one wants to marry them.
“HENRY FORD said, “HARD WORK DOES NOT KILL.” We are getting everything wrong in Nigeria now, including family setting. It is time to prepare your CHILDREN for tomorrow, the way the world is going, only those that are rugged, hard-working and smart working that will survive. How will your ward fare? We must begin to save our young from unintended consequences of "too much love" and weak parenting. It is the only way out. Let's not leave everything to spirituality and say God will help us.”
The bottom line is that, for us to have a better society in the near and far future, the work starts from the family unit. And most importantly, the ‘examples’ set by parents/guardians at the home front. As a parent, you cannot be preaching one thing but your life is showing something else negative.
Zik Gbemre.
November 11, 2019
We Mobilize Others To Fight For Individual Causes As If Those Were Our Causes
Image showing young Nigerians and their expensive cars
It has been widely acknowledged that the relationship between parents and their children, especially in the early years of the latter’s formation, is what determines how ‘responsible’ and successful the child turns out to be later in life in the society. Although, relatively small, the family unit is the regarded as the ‘bedrock of the society’. It is therefore responsible for the ‘quality’ of human beings that populate a society. Everything we see wrong today in our society - be it corruption, thuggery, terrorism, boko haram, killer herdsmen, kidnapping, armed robbery, indecency/immoral behavious, etc., is as a result of the ‘failures’ of the various family units that make up our Nigerian society. So, not only are parents/guardians/relatives expected to be exemplary role models to their children, they are also saddled with the responsibility of supplying all the necessary spiritual, physical, psychological, sociological, mental and emotional support the child needs to grow into a ‘balanced and well-equipped individual’ that will eventually contribute positively to the growth and development of the general society.
Sadly, we have become a generation that have completely lost touch to the importance of the family unit and our roles as Parents/adults in this generation, in shaping it for a better society. In fact, for some decades now, our society has been experiencing a lot of chaos, occasioned by unwholesome behavioural and attitudinal inclinations of both young and old individuals. All the values and morality, that once held and made our society relatively stable, noble and productive seem to have been eroded, so much so that many people are now wondering what went wrong. What are parents/guardians doing or not doing that is responsible for today’s mayhem in our society?
Aside other factors and deplorable situations and ‘no parenting’ – which have shaped the lives of many Nigerian children on the wrong path, the only answer we can come up with is the fact that some parents, especially the now ‘privileged/well to do ones’, have engulfed themselves with this syndrome of “my children will not suffer what I suffered”, which has left us with youths who do not understand the principles of hard work and contentment. It is alien to our culture and heritage to value money, fame, titles and status over worthy virtues like hard work, contentment, honesty, integrity, empathy, love for one another, etc. We were moved recently by a circulated online write-up on this subject matter, which basically gave a vivid picture of this problem in the Nigerian society.
Imagine a situation where the children of most of the past and present political leaders in Nigeria, be it in the Presidency, Federal and State Assemblies and State Governments; have not worked one day in their lives but yet, they are billionaires and millionaires – driving the latest cars, flying First Class and Business Class, going on vacations to choice locations as they please, and live in expensive hotels/mansions. What kind of adult lives should the society expect from such children? Many of them lack the knowledge and capacity to contribute anything meaningful to the growth of the Nigerian society. They only thing they can do in life is for their parents to sponsor them to be elected and appointed in juicy public offices, so as to continue the thievery legacies of their parents in Government. That is the only thing these children would learn from their parents. But this sort of parenting will not do this country any good because it is based on fraudulent foundations. The children of those in Government, see and take their parents as their role models. So, they will even do more harm than their parents.
According to the said article written by an unknown Nigerian, it stated how the writer benefitted as a student then resident in the UK, but now living in Abuja. It reads: “The first thing that I discovered about UK-born, white, English undergraduates was that all of them did holiday or weekend job to support themselves – including the children of millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there regardless of how wealthy their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually all other foreign students did the same – except status – conscious Nigerians.
“I also watched RICHARD BRANSON (owner of Virgin Airline) speaking on the Biography Channel. To my amazement, he said that his young children travel in the economy class – even when the parents (he and his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound sterling. A quick survey would show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or upper class to commence their studies in the UK. No other foreign students do this. There is no aircraft attached to the office of the Prime Minister in the UK. He travels on British Airways (BA). And the same goes for the Royals. The Queen does not have an aircraft for her exclusive use. These practices simply become the culture which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen the car that KATE MIDDLETON (the wife of PRINCE WILLIAM) drives? VW Golf or something close to it. But there’s one core difference between them and us (generally speaking), they (even the billionaires among them) work for their money, most of us steal ours.
“If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then please, please let’s begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content and not having to “STEAL” which seems to be the norm these days. We have Nigerian Children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class and using the latest cars fully paid for by their “loving parents”. I often get calls from anxious parents” my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist!”. “Oh really! So where exactly is “THIS CHILD?” is my usual question. “Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?" I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and I, chances are that the big boy is cruising around Abuja with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s sparkling new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to hear a 28-year-old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six-figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing. I see them in my office once in a while, 26 years old with absolutely no skill to sell apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question- so, what salary are you looking to earn? The answer comes straight out – N250,000.00. I ask if that is per month or per annum. “Of course, it is per month.” Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000.00 and I feel any employer should be able to pay me more than my parents.”
“No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing as if it were a birthright. Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa. Wake up, MUM! Wake up, DAD! This syndrome – “MY CHILDREN WILL NOT SUFFER WHAT I SUFFERED" is destroying your tomorrow. You are practically loving your child to death. I learned the children of a former Nigeria Head of State with all the stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still, go about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several time because of the drug, they collapse in places. The escort will quickly pack them and off they go. What a life! No one wants to marry them.
“HENRY FORD said, “HARD WORK DOES NOT KILL.” We are getting everything wrong in Nigeria now, including family setting. It is time to prepare your CHILDREN for tomorrow, the way the world is going, only those that are rugged, hard-working and smart working that will survive. How will your ward fare? We must begin to save our young from unintended consequences of "too much love" and weak parenting. It is the only way out. Let's not leave everything to spirituality and say God will help us.”
The bottom line is that, for us to have a better society in the near and far future, the work starts from the family unit. And most importantly, the ‘examples’ set by parents/guardians at the home front. As a parent, you cannot be preaching one thing but your life is showing something else negative.
Zik Gbemre.
November 11, 2019
We Mobilize Others To Fight For Individual Causes As If Those Were Our Causes